trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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