Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Terrible idea I love it
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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