i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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