What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
