So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You left your phone here
Wait...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
