oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
