we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
