I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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