I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
