I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
