Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
