I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
only if we run a train.
done.
she smelled like a LAN party
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
