She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
