Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Randomize
