Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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