I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
