Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
