"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
