i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
