I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
