I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
