I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
