there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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