I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
