I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
