Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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