if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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