Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
