Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
