So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
