I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
