just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
