Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I think your dad took our porno
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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