this just has baby written all over it
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
