new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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