ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
