I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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