My balls are so social today.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
