my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
this will be a night to untag.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
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I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
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The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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