Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
