dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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