I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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