It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
