A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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