Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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