I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
