Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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