we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
