We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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