Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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