I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
