woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I did not marry a roomba.
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