I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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