My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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