You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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