Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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