If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
