I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
