I think i peed on brittanys purse
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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