I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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