If i come over, it means nothing
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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