Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
