u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize