Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
A+ Viking dick
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
