I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
