when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
