party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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