I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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