My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
