she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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